🐰 Day 6: Walking in My Millie’s Footsteps 💜

Returning to the places she loved, remembering the little girl who made them special 🌹

Day 6 was one of the hardest days of this entire journey.

After five days of travelling, crossing countries, driving through France, making our way over the Pyrenees and finally arriving in Benidorm, today was different.

Today wasn't really about the journey to somewhere.

Today was about going back.

Going back to the places where my beautiful Millie Rose had once walked.

The places where she laughed.

The places where she explored.

The places where she ate ice cream.

The places where she made memories.

And the places that, four years later, still hold such a huge piece of her. 💜

🌴 Walking where Millie walked

Today, Team Millie spent the day visiting some of Millie's favourite places in Benidorm.

Places we visited together in 2022.

Places that, at the time, were simply part of a family holiday.

We had no idea how important those memories would become.

We had no idea that one day we would return without her.

And we certainly never imagined that we would be walking through those same places, desperately wishing that we could see her running towards us again.

Today we went back.

We stood in the places where Millie had stood.

We looked out at the same sea.

We walked along familiar streets.

We remembered things she had said.

We talked about the things she loved.

And we talked about her.

A lot.

Because how could we not?

She was everywhere.

🌊 Looking out at the sea

There was something incredibly emotional about standing by the sea and knowing that Millie had looked out at that same view.

I found myself wondering what she had been thinking back then.

What was going through her little mind?

What was she excited about?

What would she remember from that day?

I wish I could ask her.

I wish I could hear her tell me about it.

I wish I could hear her voice describing everything she had seen.

That's one of the hardest parts of grief.

It's not only missing the person.

It's missing all the conversations you're never going to have.

All the questions you'll never get to ask.

All the stories you'll never hear them tell.

All the ordinary little moments that should have happened.

🍦 And, of course, there was ice cream

We couldn't visit Benidorm without having Millie's favourite ice cream. 🍦💜

Something so simple.

Something that probably wouldn't mean much to anyone else.

But to us, it meant everything.

Because Millie loved it.

And today, eating it without her was incredibly difficult.

There was a part of me that kept thinking:

"She should be here."

I could almost imagine her choosing what she wanted.

I could imagine her excitement.

I could imagine her enjoying every bite.

And for a moment, it felt like she was still part of the day.

Maybe that's what memories do.

They don't bring someone back.

But they allow us to feel close to them for a little while.

💔 The hardest part

There is no easy way to explain what it feels like to walk around somewhere that holds so many memories of your child when that child isn't physically there anymore.

It's heartbreaking.

There were moments today when I simply wanted to turn around and see Millie standing there.

I wanted to hear her voice.

I wanted to see her smile.

I wanted to hear her laughing.

I wanted her to tell me what she wanted to do next.

I wanted to watch her get excited.

I wanted to have one more ordinary day with her.

Just one.

I would give absolutely anything for that.

There were moments when the tears simply came.

No warning.

No trying to hold them back.

Just tears.

Because sometimes the reality of it all becomes too much.

We can talk about Millie.

We can tell stories.

We can smile at photographs.

We can laugh about things she did.

But none of that changes the fact that she isn't physically here.

And today made that reality feel incredibly heavy.

🐰 But Buddy was there

Throughout all of this, Buddy was with us.

And having her there meant so much. 🐰💜

Buddy has travelled so many miles on this journey.

She has crossed borders.

She has travelled through mountains.

She has sat in the car for hours.

And now she's standing in the very places where she once stood beside Millie.

Inside Buddy is Millie's mini urn.

So in the most precious way possible, a little piece of my girl was actually there with us.

We weren't completely without her.

She was there in Buddy.

She was there in our memories.

She was there in every photograph.

She was there in every story we told.

She was there in every tear.

And she was there in every smile when we remembered something funny she had done.

🌹 Remembering the little girl who made these places special

Today wasn't about pretending that everything was okay.

It wasn't about trying to make the sadness disappear.

It was about remembering.

Remembering the little girl who made these places special to us.

Remembering her personality.

Her laughter.

Her excitement.

Her little comments.

Her likes and dislikes.

The things she found funny.

The things she loved.

The things that made her Millie.

We talked about the memories from 2022 and how different life was then.

Four years ago, we were simply a family on holiday.

We were making memories without ever stopping to think about how precious those moments were.

Now those memories are some of the most important things we have.

💜 A journey through memories

There's something strange about revisiting somewhere from the past.

Everything feels familiar, but at the same time, everything feels completely different.

You recognise the places.

You remember where you stood.

You remember what you did.

You remember who was there.

But the person you are remembering isn't there beside you anymore.

Today felt like walking through a collection of memories.

Everywhere we went seemed to bring another one back.

A photograph.

A story.

A little moment.

A memory that I hadn't thought about for a while.

And each one reminded me just how much I love and miss my beautiful girl.

🌹 My promise to Millie

My Millie Rose...

Today we walked where you walked.

We stood where you stood.

We looked at the sea you looked at.

We visited the places you loved.

And yes...

We ate the ice cream you loved too. 🍦💜

I wish you were here.

I wish more than anything that you were walking beside me.

But because I can't change what happened, I will do something else.

I will keep talking about you.

I will keep saying your name.

I will keep telling your story.

I will keep sharing your memories.

I will keep carrying you wherever I go.

And I will keep making sure that My Millie Rose is never, ever forgotten.

Your life may have been far too short, but your impact is already so much bigger than you could ever have known.

You are still loved.

You are still remembered.

You are still spoken about.

And you are still making a difference.

💜 Day 6 — Walking in Millie's footsteps

Today hurt.

It hurt more than I can put into words.

But alongside the heartbreak were some incredibly beautiful moments.

Because for a little while, we got to walk through Millie's memories.

We got to see the places that made her happy.

We got to tell her stories.

We got to laugh at memories.

And we got to feel close to our girl again.

I know there will be more difficult days.

There will be more tears.

There will be moments throughout this journey when the missing her becomes overwhelming.

But there will also be moments of laughter.

Moments of warmth.

Moments where a memory makes us smile.

And moments where it feels like she's right there with us.

That's what we'll hold onto.

Because grief is love with nowhere to go.

And we have an awful lot of love for our Millie.

Forever my beautiful girl.

Forever 9.

Forever my Millie Rose. 🌹💜

And wherever this journey takes us next...

you are coming with us. 🐰💜